Something craven infects political candidates as the days dwindle down to a precious few, especially when prospects for victory appear slimmer than an emaciated giraffe in a fun house mirror. It may be darkest before the dawn, but for those scheduled to be executed at first light, the darkness triggers a kind of dastardly creativity that those made of lesser stuff might characterize as desperation. The late hour slandering of an opponent has come to be called the October Surprise and considering the volatile history of this year’s campaign we should be prepared for copious disclosures of gargantuan proportions. Not mere October Surprises, but October Lightning Bolts Tossed by Odin Himself, October 80 Megaton Hydrogen Bombshells and October Exposes That Will Make Your Mouth Hang Open Long Enough To Attract Bottle Flies. And with one week of November in the mix this time around, even more delicious salacious wickedness awaits. Here’s a sample of the advertent and inadvertent we can expect in the final five weeks of this- The Most Important Election of Your Lifetime. Yes. Again. OCTOBER 2
Breitbart News discovers that when the first words of Hillary Clinton’s deleted emails from October of 2009 are arranged chronologically, a love letter to Lucifer is revealed in which she calls him “Smoochie.”  OCTOBER 3
Moveon.org posts a video of Donald Trump shouting the phrase “You’re fired” to photos of family members. OCTOBER 4
During the Vice Presidential debate, moderators and Longwood University audience members inexplicably fall asleep. Later the CDC dubs the new phenomenon “MDHS: Mass Droning Hypnosis Syndrome” and urges the FCC to prohibit future events from being broadcast on car radios.