Acknowledged by peers and press alike as one of the premier political satirists in the country, Will Durst has patched together a comedy quilt of a career, weaving together columns, books, radio and television commentaries, acting, voice overs and most especially, stand up comedy, into a hilarious patchwork of outraged and outrageous common sense. His abiding motto is “You can’t make stuff up like this." The New York Times calls him "possibly the best political comic in the country." Fox News agrees "he's a great political satirist," while the Oregonian hails him as a “hilarious stand-up journalist.” This former radio talk host, oyster shucker, and margarine smuggler currently writes a nationally syndicated humor column, and his scribblings have appeared in Esquire, George, the San Francisco Chronicle, National Lampoon, The New York Times and scads of other periodicals.
All right everybody; time to slap on a happy face and start thinking positively about the upcoming twelve months. And none of that, “You want positive? Okay. I’m positive this year is going to suck big beige banana slugs from Mars,” stuff, because that, my friends, is stinking thinking.
Usually when a year goes down as gaggingly awful as 2016, folks frantically try throwing a monkey wrench into their continuum, vowing to make audacious behavioral alterations in an attempt to change the status quo. These adjustments often go awry and end up belonging to the “cut off your nose to spite your face” variety. Also known as the Voldermort Maneuver.
Another problem is most resolutions are as unique as a white sweat sock in a junior-high, boys locker room. Always the same old, same old; lose weight, learn a language, eat healthy, work out, not live under totalitarian regimes, construct a scale model of Trump Tower by bending paperclips. But what about other folks? Let’s waste some valuable time worrying about the important resolutions they probably haven’t made but definitely need to consider.
2017 RESOLUTIONS PEOPLE SHOULD BE MAKING.
• Ivanka Trump pledges to find a foundation color for her father that reads less summer squash and more tequila sunrise.
• Colin Kaepernick vows to kneel for the National Anthem, stand until his Forty Niner offensive line deteriorates, run, then kneel again before kissing the ground.
• Chris Christie promises to perfect his lean and hungry look.
• Rick Perry plans to study up on the Cabinet department he is about to head and is determined to remember its name.
• Mike Pence will insure his people employ the latest strobe technology at press conferences to give the appearance of movement.
Coming to a Theatre near you! Will Durst’s acclaimed tribute to the history, growth, joys, achievements, frustrations, fashions and looming doom of the Baby Boom Generation. Ably assisted by his trusty overhead projector, Durst explores the Boomers’ revolutions, evolutions and still vibrant role in today’s youth-obsessed society, which they invented, for crum’s sake. It’s a celebration of the maturation of the Boomer Nation and as an extra, added, special treat- the Meaning of Life.
Special Note: Due to the graphic nature and startlingly archaic technology, children under the age of 40 will not
be admitted unless accompanied by a guardian or bring a note.
We apologize for any inconvenience.