…advocates we all start getting creative.
…runs the risk of having to hire a food tester.
…goes ballistic on the phony.
…quickly closes the door to the cabinet to contain the horrible smell.
…envisions the imaginary.
…envisions the imaginary.
…looks down the road apiece to gauge the progress of the country's new POTUS.
…whelps out the more reluctant of us in their resolutions for the following year.
…waves a not so tearful goodbye to the previous year.
* * *
…plays a rather vengeful Santa Claus.
…throws a little gasoline on the rhetoric fire.
…waves a fond farewell to the annus horriblis that was the sixth year of the second decade of the twenty first century.
…investigates the learning curve of the new kid in town.
…provides some advice for all the prodigal sons and daughters during the holiday season.
…provides some advice for all the prodigal sons and daughters during the holiday season.
…is all confused about everyone who is confused. It’s a confusion spiral.
…gets all black and orange on us
…offers up a few tips for future candidate humor attempts.
…reports on many hits below the belt. Yes. Again.
…fondly looks back at the best circus in town.
…goes all crystal ball on us.
…gets a little NASCAR on your ass.
…waxes poetic on the runt of the holiday litter.
…goes all crystal ball on us.
…seeks to bind us together instead of pry us apart.
…waxes poetic about the first woman presidential nominee of a major political party.
…goes from Trumpalicious to Trumpocalypse.
…gets all junior miss on you.
…urther infected with the whole vice presidential fever thing.
…gets infected with a little vice presidential fever.
…gets in a few quick shots on the Nigerian Prince of presidential candidates.
…gets under the skin of the NRA and discovers something cold blooded.
…includes himself in some sweeping generalizations.
…lobbies to give the American people a real choice.
…admires the complicated gyrations necessary to be a Republican these days.
…gets all riled up.
…looks into the future and it’s not pretty.
…stares into the abyss of Hades and Hades stares back.
…breaks rank to give credit where credit is due.
…hands out the swag to the least deserving of us.
…examines the other side of the nasty coin.
…wonders if Trump has had his Kafka moment.
…tries to remind Donald Trump that women can vote now too.
…takes a leisurely lap around the various Stop Trump Movements.
…surveys the wreckage of the 18 car pile- up that was Super Tuesday.
…tries to separate fact from fiction in the interest of protecting back doors everywhere.
…jumps into the SCOTUS fray, which can turn into a rash if a salve isn’t applied with alacrity.
…investigates the opposite of winning
…gets winded listing all the winners..
…explains what the hell is going on.
…doesn’t even weigh in on Florida or New Mexico or New Caledonia Values.
…takes up from where the President left off and then kind of goes a bit wacky.
…looks into his crustal ball and it breaks.
* * *
…plays fast and loose with blasphemy.
…once again rejects the conventional wisdom.
…looks back over the humorous parts of the recent annus horriblus and mocks them in order to form a mental scab.
…takes a couple of cheap shots at our national brownnoser.
…pays tribute to the proud perspicacity of the plucky pilgrims in a pacific paean to our peculiar propensity for plumpish poultry.
…goes off the politically correct deep end to kvetch about political expediency.
…asks the old Seinfeld question “who are these people?”
…gives equal spleen time to the battling democrats.
…gives the new controversial trade pact his inimitable smart ass spin.
…takes issue with Michael Douglas’s most famous line. Except for saying “No” to Kathleen Turner in Romancing the Stone.
…finds the funny in the thicket of Republicans. #thick
…calls in a bunch of favors to bring you up to date hot scoops.
…whines about his biological clock being stuck on elementary school time.
…gets a little listy.
…bemoans the current state of politics where the apprentices rule.
…questions the locomotive awareness of the Trump Train with typical scorn and derision. Just another anguished rant with big words.
…goes all Racing Form right before the big old GOP debate.
…channels George Clinton, because there ain’t no party like a P-Funk party cuz a P-Funk Party don’t stop.
…goes after the man with the edifice complex.
…updates an old commentary. Hey, it’s called recycling and is very popular out here on the left coast.
…gets his Yankees and Dixies all mixed up.
…rethinks that whole separation of church and state thing.
…explains his delight at not being a denizen of the Dark Ages.
…goes on and on and on about some silly little bill designed to gut the 4th Amendment.
…updates part of his little one man show to fill up a commentary slot. But hey, it’s funny. And some new stuff.
…chronicles the major faux pas and various wrong turns made over the last week.
…asks the age-old question: where to find a decent brisket sandwich in Iowa.
…trampling down more cherished assumptions.
…has no prescription for our national self inflicted contagion.
…appreciates the arrival of race season.
…affords us a small sampling of his long history of philanthropic endeavors.
…takes exception to the brouhaha going down in the Hoosier State.
…gets excited over the sighting of the nominational robin.
…dreams a big dream.
…tries to discretely address Hillary’s email problems.
…gets all bent out of shape. Yes, again.
…is confused by simple things like wright and rong.
…weighs in on another sticky subject and manages to mangle it just like always.
…takes a trip down memory lane and completely forgets where the hell he is.
…speaks from right where he should be, under a rock.
…prepares himself against the cold.
…calls himself a satirist even though he’s not sure what it means.
…trots out an oldie but a goldie.
* * *
…embarks on a futile quest to keep the spirit of the season alive.
…gets a rash from rubbing up against more strange bushes.
…is shocked, shocked, he says, to find out the CIA was lying.
…looks back over the most recent annus horriblus and mocks. As is his way.
…, in the spirit of the season, gives back.
…gets all sentimental and stuff.
…drowns his sorrows with snark.
…offers up a 2nd amendment solution to the Ebola crisis.
…tries to swallow enough candy corn to get all spooky like.
…offers up a modest proposal.
…smashes up two frightening calendar events.
…is able to dig out some funny from a very serious subject.
…gets a bit radical.
…feels bad for his smart phone being wielded by such a dumb user.
…calls attendance on the first day back to school.
…takes a couple minutes to talk about the true American heroes.
…tiptoes along those fine lines that separate commentary, spite and naked envy.
…jumps off the journalistic pier into some deep- water bold face vacation gossip.
…talks smack about our elected representatives. Yes. Again.
…digs deep into Boehner’s brain and gets nowhere.
…gets all hot and bothered about something pretty far down the line.
…appropriately does little about nothing.
…makes the painful admission that he doesn’t mind much being digitally probed.
…repurposes an old commentary. Hey, its called recycling and is very popular out here on the left coast.
…once again tries to help with his typical aplomb.
…flops for football.
…tests the limits of the irony setting.
…waxes poetic on his love hate relationship with a piece of technology.
…gets a bit wound up.
…offers up some unsolicited advice which may very well come in handy. Or not.
…greases up his knees to do the new dance rage.
…gets a little racy surprised we aren’t beyond all this.
…leaps headfirst into the controversy surrounding what may be the laser discs of wearable computers.
…once again goes out of his way to try to help.
…investigates the age-old question: what do women want?
…gets all Al Gore on your ass.
…says ten dollars here. Ten dollars there. That stuff adds up.
…cries me a river.
…goes all psychotherapy on the White House.
…casts some dastardly aspersions on Arizona: America’s Uganda.
…jumps eyes wide shut headfirst onto the shiny awards bandwagon with a great flying leap and sticky squid tentacles to prevent overshooting.
…very trepidaciously enters the smoking zone.
…contemplates just not eating anything ever again.
…talks about the future Romanovs.
…channels Confucius’s complaint: “Life is simple, yet we insist on making it complicated.
…discovers that while no man may be an island, some men are major peninsulas.
…waltzes down a well trod road.
* * *
…gets into the Santa business, albeit late.
…crosses the river Styx19&*!
…makes the proposition that there are no safe houses.
…looks back onto the year with the jaundiced eye of a Burmese hepatitis ward.
…turkeys till he trots.
…performs amazing feats of clairvoyance but remains in the dark concerning impending fortunes.
…defends the president as he goes through his Katrina moment.
…under the thrall of sodium pentothal gets in the ways of deep cover.
…goes deep underground as a health care avatar and ends up blue.
…gets his dander up.
…takes pains to give the boys and girls of Washington the meager extreme of the benefit of the doubt.
…plumbs the depths of demented demands.
…admires a man for taking demagoguery to new heights.
…dips a toe into the diplomatic waters of pre war entrance strategies.
…in a decidedly supercilious way gets semi-serious about Syria.
…speaks about the first Monday of September with affection.
…plays on the other side of the street where the grass is often greener.
…peers into his crystal ball and finds it kind of fuzzy.
…trods on grim Anderson and Aesop territory.
…takes on the haters by totally defending the best state in the union.
…calls for a slight bit of American contraction.
…digs deep to channel his good ol boy.
…follows in Michael J Fox’s footsteps back to the future.
…gets a little misty eyed to be perfectly honest about it.
…channels a celebratory mood for all who were once disenfranchised and are now co-opted.
…makes a few suggestions to help things along.
…goes deep to get to the bottom of the latest NSA skullduggery.
…sticks his nose into some business that has little to do with the Balkan States.
…tries desperately to extricate himself from the sticky embrace of 2 of America’s least favorite organizations.
…wants to know who knew what when and why.
…blinds himself with knitting needles in order not to see what’s going on. Ow
…purports to be truly concerned but we're secretly convinced he's just droning on.
…wades into the knee deep reformed political doo doo currently taking the country by storm.
…gets a mite shall we say, worked up.
…jumps into the batters box and knocks another one out of the park.
…explains why our chief robe wearers are pretty.
…jumps into the embalming arts with a rather distressing and off-putting gusto.
…investigates the newest strategy by the White House: flirting.
…defends the future reputation of his entire generation.
…waits for puffs of white smoke, just like back in the bad old days.
…talks about the Rebs inside the Reds.
…looks into the crystal ball and forecasts what the country will see at the SOTU.
…jumps headfirst onto the shiny awards bandwagon with a great flying leap.
…gives two thumbs up to the President’s propitious return to the land of the living.
…notes a sea change while sounding a warning alarm for the new generation.
…takes the time to salvage some missed opportunities.
* * *
…just goes off. Again. About something. Who knows what.
…lamely and vainly tries to put a not so glum spin on the incredibly appalling heartbreaking events in Connecticut.
…distills the current brouhaha into an easily understood tempest.
…accepts the disheartening responsibility of telling Lindsay Lohan, Psy, Mark Zuckerberg, Hurricane Sandy and Jerry Sandusky they didn’t make the cut.
…calls it as he sees it. Yes, again.
…waxes eloquent on those that make his job so much easier.
…probes the distaff distance that thwarted Mitt Romney's presidential bid.
…consults his crystal ball and hazards a guess at who's going to come out ahead after all is said and done in this exceedingly unseemly contest.
…waxes eloquently concerning much ado about more malarkey.
…reports from ringside at the undercard. D'uh.
…attempts to figure out what went down in the first Presidential debate.
…peers into his crystal ball and grumbles at what he sees.
…references a candidate who makes out of touch seem like a goal.
…bravely pushes his way deep into the bipartisan bouncy house.
…reports from the belly of another beast.
…struggles to dig out form the thigh deep pool of red white and blue confetti.
…carefully yet humorously attempts to navigate the mine strewn fields of rencent news.
…digs deep into the man behind the name on the bottom of the ticket.
…puts the President in the Olympics whether he wants to be or not.
…reviews the presumptive GOP nominee's lurching European Vacation
…dives in with a few conjectures about Mitt Romney's deductions.
…tries to get to the nitty gritty of whether WIllard was lying then or now.
…jumps back into the health care fray with both feet.
…gets mired down in a batch of International intrigue and has fun with numbers.
…remarks on the drive for cash currently occupying our esteemed combatants' focus.
…reflects on the spectacle of the shape shifter mixing it with the dufus.
…waxes poetic about the lovely space that goes down between the end of spring and the beginning of fall.
…takes a minute to speak to the wildly enthusiastic endorsements the Romney campaign is racking up.
…applauds the chief executive for finally using his powers for good.
…once again dives into the latest political zeitgeist with both feet suffering from plantar faciitis.
…investigates the new tiny targets of polls destined to reflect our true feelings as long as we don't lie.
…accuses the challenger of accusing he incumbent of everything he and we and you and I are guilty of.
…finds the wormhole between two eerie worlds where the laws of physics and logic have been suspended.
…goes to great lengths to treat his pre- existing condition of ignorance.
…dives into the Super PAC arena without a jet pack but wishing for one.
…gets all fuzzy and green for you my droogies.
…reflects on what was to be a watershed moment but just seems to be kind of watery.
…touches upon both Mitt Romney and the sisterwife who speaks for him.
…takes an overt hostility to a candidate which is leading him to the guillotine.
…jumps on the shiny award bandwagon with both feet and not lightly either.
…theorizes that there's something about Mitt.
…wonders if Michele Bachmann is the new Erika Kane.
…reads between the lines of the President's 3rd SOTU.
…steals from Sarah Palin and calls the mainstream, the lamestream.
…looks forward to the carnage that promises to be the South Carolina primary.
* * *
…throws around a few words concerning the left ventricle of the Heartland.
…rectifies possible mistakes made by Santa later this weekend.
…admits to being a bit tickled at the GOP realization that one of these guys is going to be their nominee.
…is grateful he doesn’t have to personally inform the Kardashians they didn’t make the cut.
…goes behind the scenes to find out what the heck is going on with the GOP game of Whack-A-Mole.
…subliminally encourages tryptophan poisoning and four story tall balloons careening off of Manhattan lampposts
…ruminates about the accusations threatening to derail the Cain Train.
…walks a few miles in the shoes of our politicians down the mean streets of Washington DC.
…gets wrapped up in a logic loop like a cat in double stick tape.
…wonders where battle tested stops and shell shock begins.
…ponders the meaning of the Republican Party’s newest flavor of the week.
…goes yard with this rant on the banking industry.
…talks about one night stands and jittery suitors.
…reports from the front lines of the class war embedded in a velvet tank.
…offers up a few modest proposals to help get this country back on its feet.
…talks about a recent gathering of people who want to be President and $2 a gallon gas. But not in that order.
…pledges to make no pledge except for the very important Lemon Pledge.
…throws down with a few words about the man they call Captain Haircut.
…investigates the special committee that is the bane of the Justice League.
…reflects upon the situation in which Obama called himself the only adult in the room.
…tap dances around the fact that he has no idea what’s going on.
… once again tries to put things in perspective.
…considers the debt crisis by throwing up his arms and saying “yech.”
…takes on the onerous task of defending the folks that F. Scott Fitzgerald claim are different from you and me.
…throws a red, white and blue spotlight on dead solid summer.
…talks about how we might be able to make a couple of Benjamins.
…recounts the initial showdown between the loyal opposition who prove to be not all that loyal.
…tries to take the high road by addressing this very messy situation with a folded towel over his arm.
…gives just a sample of the cacophony we can expect to experience over the next 17 months.
…waxes poetic about the lovely time that can be had between the end of spring and the beginning of fall.
…finds it hard to argue against the general impression that men possess porcine DNA.
…questions whether the Marietta Mauler has what it takes to go all the way.
…comments on the passing of the world champion hide and seeker.
…resigns himself to the fact that this silliness is far from over.
…shakes his with wonderment at the addictive nature of knowing what’s right for everyone.
…delves deep into the complexities of the near government shutdown and comes up with few if any conclusions.
…once again descends into Durst Case Scenario territory.
…weighs in with a typically confused reaction to our latest war like behavior.
…tries to make sense out of the senseless and the heartless and the clueless.
…chronicles the naked power grab that has resulted in a mugging in Madison.